I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
