I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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