Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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