did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I would ride that face into the sunset
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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