Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Quick, to the slutcave!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Randomize
