Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
