So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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