Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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