I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
