we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my being single is dangerous.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
