Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
thus making me awesome and them whores
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
