i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
