Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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