i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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