Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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