I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
