he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
