I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
