my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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