just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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