peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
