would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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