my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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