cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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