I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
