I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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