It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
