she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
