I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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