I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
