You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
