Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
