Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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