if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize