Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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