too bad you live with your parents still
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
