i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize