Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
