her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
