Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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