Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
