How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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