I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
