There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
