If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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