i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
