similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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