there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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