i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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