we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
