will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
