There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
