Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Someone came in the potted fern
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
