If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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