The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
