i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
