Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
