whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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