So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
