What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
