Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you had me at cake vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
