one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
