sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The feeling are messing with the penis
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
