Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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