I just saw a hot homeless man
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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