i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
