Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MIDGETS
????
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
