sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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