We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
