Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
