sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
