she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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