Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize