he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
