He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
