don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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