I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
