Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
