just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
