i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
