you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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