porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We are all done wearing pants today
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
