Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found the puke drawer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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