I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
