he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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