The maid of honor just puked.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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