We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
