Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
