And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
