I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
