I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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