I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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