mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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